This Prayer Is For You, Momma

When we first become mothers, it becomes hard to discern who we were before our babies entered our lives. At first, reflections of our former self are clouded by sleep deprivation, time deprivation, changing bodies and closeness to our spouse as the demands of a newborn take its place. Over time, it's the expansion of our hearts and reprioritizing of our needs and desires that erases nearly everything we knew to be true then. Something more beautiful emerges - a sort of surrender of self to love another more authentically.

After that, motherhood becomes a universal language that crosses even the most difficult barriers and disparate backgrounds. No matter who you are, where you live or what you do, we all carry the same calling card of loving a little.

It is in this time, more than ever, our senses become heightened to the joys as well as to the pain, the burdens and the sadness of other mothers.

One week after our second child was born, he was diagnosed with RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus). In many children, RSV manifests itself as no more than a common cold. In infants as young as Sully was, it can be life-threatening. We spend three weeks in the hospital waiting for the virus to run its course, caught up in the unknown of what was and what could be.

Those weeks felt like a lifetime.

Just as described in this book, I became distracted by my own exhaustion and resentment that I couldn't simply just love and hold and protect my new baby.

At times, I was ceaselessly praying in a way that clearly lacked trust in God. I was trying to rely on my own knowledge, my own strength, my own decisions, and using all the tools and people and research at my fingertips, only to then feel that, even with all of these things, I was not enough to help my child. Of course, I should have known better that that not enough came from a place of darkness.

So I became discouraged.

That's how the enemy works. Distraction, discouragement, doubt.

And right then, before my heart turned to doubt, filed in the prayers and words of encouragement and hope, and actions of love from other mothers that engrained my heart with compassion and prepared it for those whose similar experiences would follow. 

The outpouring of momma-love in that time was tremendous. Whether they'd walked in my shoes or fell within the group of couldn't imagines, what stood out was the solidarity in the moment and the truth that everything would be OK.

"Never doubt in the dark what God told you in the light."

 

The promise of his Kingdom is neverending. He sent his son to die in order to give life to mine.

The day our children are born a seed is planted that then roots and grows so large that it begins to whirl and twirl beyond our own hearts with love for, not just our own, but for all children.

I felt it in every baby's cry during our days in the hospital. I just wanted to run into the next room and pick that baby up and hug that momma's neck.

Regardless of where you are right now - whether you've lost a precious little, or you're watching them go through a sickness or a trauma or a simple boo-boo, or you're missing them from far away, or you're just tired and frustrated today and so are they...

This prayer is for you, momma. 

That you both will find comfort in Him. That he will bring the right people into your life when you need them most. That He will ease your exhaustion and give you strength for the moment, whether that moment is minutes, days, weeks or years. That you will forgive yourself for whatever it is that makes you feel that you are not enough. Because you don't have to be.

He already is.